5 Things to Consider Before Saying “I Do”

If you have the desire to get married, you already have a rock on your finger, or you are currently in a relationship/situationship, this one’s for you. A while back, a Christian married man reached out to me and asked if I could write this blog. There was no hesitation on my part. He made the request because of what he was seeing, hearing, and most importantly because he wanted to save others from his own mistakes and wrong mindset going into marriage.

So I will be sharing with you 5 things to consider before saying “I Do”.

How well do you communicate with each other? Assuming you are both followers of Jesus Christ, as I am, sex is out of the question during the dating(courting), and engagement period, correct?

No? If not, it’s easy to opt for a quick make-out session or mind-blowing sex to mask the fact that you both don’t know how to communicate authentically.

What do you really know about this person you are about to dedicate the rest of your life to? And when I say “know” I’m not talking about their favorite color, food, or sports team. Learn what moves or drives them. What is their purpose and does it align with your own? And if either of you have no clue what your purpose is… pump the brakes.

How is their relationship with money? Are they broke hours after getting paid because they have to go out and buy the latest this and that? If so, how do you plan on building anything with this person who would drag your name into their accrued debt?

You should know the major things that matters to you. Can you share it with this person you are about to marry? One thing I definitely recommend to couples before walking down the aisle is premarital counseling. Before marriage, people tend to have their head in the clouds. Premarital counseling will help to open your eyes… to think with your brain and not with other parts of your body (if you know what I mean). This leads me to my next point…

Do you really believe that none of the above applies to you because you two are simply “in love”? Sorry to rain on your parade, but walking down an aisle and saying “I do” does not magically make your dysfunctions go away. Don’t get me wrong, I am not trying to come off as a pessimist, but I have to be completely honest with you. Marriage consists of two imperfect people coming together to live out this thing we call life. Life has its seasons. Sometimes it’s bitter… sometimes it’s sweet. Though I pray that you may have more sweet than bitter, you have to realize that it will not be perfect. Remember, you will not be perfect and neither will your spouse. Perhaps you’ve consumed hundreds of romantic movies, music, and whatever else the media pumps out. This has left you with all these fantasies rolling around in your head. Leading to my next topic …

Both parties are approaching the marriage with their own ideas of how the sex will be. The world has tainted this so much… this beautiful expression of love. We now have free access to pornographic images every day, all day. This brings me back to point number one, communication. Does your spouse struggle with a porn addiction…masturbation, and the like? This could be detrimental to your sex life…to your marriage. You don’t need “Fifty Shades of Grey”, or pornography to “inspire” you. God gave you creativity. USE IT!

Now for those who’ve managed to stay away from this…you too have expectations about what you want your sex life to be. Discuss it with your spouse. You may be surprised when you realize you both are on completely different pages regarding this topic. That’s where compromise comes in. Get familiar with this concept… you’ll be doing it a whole lot throughout your relationship.

Another thing I want to mention specifically to the ladies…sex is not intended for manipulation. After saying “I do”, your body is his and his body is now yours. The Bible says in 1 Corinthians 7:3-5, “The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”

All this baby-making, leads me to my next point…

Clearly I am not referring to neither your Twitter or Instagram accounts.

How many kids does your spouse desire? How about you? Does it require some compromising on either side? I know of couples who’ve had disagreements about this while dating, but quickly dismissed it assuming it wasn’t all that important. Sadly, it later took a major toll on their marriage. Keep in mind, not everyone has the desire to have children. If your spouse happens to be one of those people, would you be okay with that? This leads me to my final point…

You may have heard about people who make a list of what they want in a spouse. You might actually have your very own list. I actually see nothing wrong with this, as long as your list is realistic. I suggest you create a list of your deal breakers… Those things you would never settle for in a spouse. Ex: Gambling, smoking, cheating, constant lying, etc.

After drawing up your list of deal breakers, how does your spouse measure up? Do you notice any red flags that could potentially lead to a deal breaker?

Well, there you have it…5 things to consider before saying “I do”. If you found this helpful and you know of someone else who could benefit from it, please share. You could possibly save that person from making a life-altering mistake.

P.S. In no way am I saying that these are the ONLY things to discuss before walking down the aisle, to guarantee a successful marriage. This post just touches on a few. Comment below the BEST relationship advice you’ve been given?

 

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